My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so let's talk penis.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
