I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
