I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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