No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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