Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I will pee on everything he values.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
