ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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