Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
