chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
