me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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