I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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