with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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