i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
