so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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