just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize