he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
