I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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