You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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