Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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