Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
