I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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