I faked an abortion last night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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