My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
