My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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