Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
