i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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