I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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