so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize