I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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