How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
