i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
