hell yes lets make some ravioli
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
