Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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