You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You dont lie about slip and slides
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
