I think im going to throw up on grandma
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
