im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
