i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
