I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
