is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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