I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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