Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
