It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
