Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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