Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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