ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
