thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
