i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
