oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
