you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
