i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize