I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
