don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
