Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize