if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
