how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
