first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can text with my tongue
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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