That's intense
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
