dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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