and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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