Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Need sex. Gaining weight.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
