i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
