well you can't waste a boner
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize