PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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